I've had a few difficult times in my life, but thankfully I haven't cracked from them! I'm very sorry but I just don't feel comfortable sharing the most difficult time, so I'll share some others that are tied for #2.
The loss of my grandparents.
My family has always been tight-knit. I love that. I grew up with many aunts, uncles, and cousins. My mom came from a family of 7 kids, then you add their spouses and children to the mix, and you get a whole lotta love! My mom's parents (Nanny & Pappy) were very loving people. Nanny got sick when I was 13 years old, and I remember going with my mom to meet some of her sisters to go help her around the house, wash her hair, and just spend time with her fairly often. We knew her time was running short, but it was still a shock when I was told she had passed away. Imagine my surprise when, just a few short weeks later, I received a call from my mom's best friend, Linda, telling me that Pappy had died. It was very sudden. I still remember that moment very vividly in my mind. I had just gotten home from school and was listening to the messages on our answering machine. One was from Linda asking me to call her back, and I heard my mom weeping in the background. I remember the sinking feeling I felt in the pit of my stomach. I knew something was wrong. I didn't want to call her back but I knew I had to. I did, and I remember just standing there with tears streaming down my face when she told me what had happened.
My dad's mom (who I called Me-Mom as a young child, then just Grandmom as I got older) lived with us as long as I can remember. Her husband, Pop-Pop, had passed away when I was an infant and, sadly, I don't remember him. She had some health issues, including minor heart attacks and strokes, but she always seemed to bounce back from them. One year, on the day after Christmas when I was 18, she had a major stroke. She was in the hospital for a bit, then was transferred to a nursing home just a few miles away from our house. We visited her very often (every night!) and she improved a little, but she was never herself ever again. One day, my mom went to visit her while I was at school and noticed something was just not right with her. After pleading with the staff at the nursing home, she was transferred to the hospital. A few days later, she was having congestive heart failure, and nothing was helping anymore. I remember them having to suction the mucous out of her throat and lungs and how much she hated it. Her time became shorter and shorter, and one day I remember thinking that I needed to prepare myself for her passing. I was at my boyfriend's (now husband) house one night, and my mom called to tell me that Grandmom had died. I remember going into his bedroom and collapsing on his bed, unable to shake the awful feeling of guilt I had for not being there.
I think about my grandparents often, although I have been grandparent-less for over 10 years now. I wish they were here to meet my children, but I know that they're watching over us.
Loves ♥
ReplyDeleteIt sort of comforts me that Nanny and Pappy died so close to each other. I am very sad it happened to them at such a young, but at least they have each other in Heaven.
ReplyDeleteAnd I think of GMom everyday. I also have that huge guilt. At least you were in the state. I visited her once in the nursing home and remember it freaking me out a little. I wasn't nearly as prepared for that. I remember her in the kitchen with a jolly belly cooking up dinner for everyone and kicking out anyone that tried to help. Seeing her motionless and skin & bones in that nursing room was a major shock for me and I regret all the time that I wasn't warmer towards her that day.
Like you, I wish my grandparents had lived long enough to meet my son, but I know they are looking down on us.
ReplyDeleteAll my grandparents were alive when I was born, and all had died by the time I was 8. My Dad's mum died when I was a baby, I have vague memoriers of my 2 grandfathers, but the one I remember most was my Mum's mum. She was also very genteel and sat by the window with a lilac blanket over her knees. We would be sent in to kiss her hello and goodbye but I don't think I ever had a conversation with her.
ReplyDeleteI regret I never really got to know any of them (but I was one of about 20 grandkids for both sets) and love that my kids get to spend time with my parents.